i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
