The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
