I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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