I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Dear god my vagina.
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