Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
