so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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