I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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