On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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