The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
