you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
