i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I am available for nakedness
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
