i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
