you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
