She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
