i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's rum buckets o'clock
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
