Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize