found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
