Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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