Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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