we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
