He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
