I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
