Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
