Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
