I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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