The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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