What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
