he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
