Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Is it because I queefed?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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