Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
