she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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