Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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