you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
