NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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