so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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