I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
