I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
