Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
