You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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