You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
