I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
There's even glitter on my cock...
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