he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
