My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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