then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
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