Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
