Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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