no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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