she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
