Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
