"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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